Are we pessimistic here?

Do you ever have those homework days where, you've been doing the same thing for so many hours, and just don't care anymore? Well, I got to that point last night. So, if my grade gets a bit docked...it does. I don't like the fact that I feel all whatever-y, but I don't know, it was hard to avoid.

Meh. I don't know.

I want to know if this school has a degree in interior decorating. I feel like it's a weakness to admit that might be what I want to do, since typically around here, designers are revered about decorators. Which, in a sense, makes sense, since it takes a lot more precision and skill sets for interior. But, both jobs create very different things. And, I feel that if, say, I were to go into decorating, I want to get an education in it, versus the typical "self-proclaimed" decorator, which doesn't need a degree. I want a degree. I just don't want it in interior design.

Bah. All I'm going these days is being a pessimist. It sucks. I don't like pessimism. I have been very surprised at my own animosity towards school and other things, and it doesn't feel right. I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel like a hollow being a lot of the time. A being with anger and bitterness. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but I feel so different that it's hard for me to push that thought back. I don't know. I'm rambling again.

So, I hope I can get that to stop. It's not a fun thing, dwelling on the negative. BOO.

At least I've identified the problem. I feel like that's a good step in the right direction. Now it's just fixing it. It'll come.

On a brighter note, it's beautiful outside. Yesterday's snow is still hiding in the shadows, and it smells of wonderful world. I like when the air is crisp, and I can snuggle up in a blanket in the morning before I get ready. I did that today, and its' like being wrapped up in a little cloud of contentment.

I like God. I like Him a lot. I'll admit, my time with Him has been suffering, and I want to remedy that. I think the idea of sitting down with the greatest Being in the universe and talking about life and love and little things, is a beautiful thing in itself. It seems foolish to say one doesn't have time for it. Think about it. If God was a physical being right now, and came to your door every morning, or popped in at night before bed, just to talk to you...I mean, how tickled would you be? I think I would just die to have someone there who is so genuinely concerned and interested in my life coming over especially to let me tell Him things, and then He'd give me advice on how to live. God's personal like that. Saying that I don't have time for Him is like slamming a door in the face of a dog, who, all they want to do is just love you, and be there with you, and follow you around because they love you so much. But instead, right as their nose begins to enter the doorframe, WHAM. Shut. No time for you. Go live you life somewhere else. The one you love doesn't want to love you right now.

That's sad. And it's hard to admit that that's what I do to God a lot. Close the door and go do something I feel is more valuable.

Foolish. I have every reason and moment of my day that I could devote to Him, but instead choose stuff that just doesn't matter in the end. Like homework. Yes, it needs to get done, but it's not the end of the world if it's not perfect. (I've had to tell myself that a great deal these past few weeks) I am learning that it is more valuable to take less time on homework, and instead, use that time to spend with God, who can aid you in a lot more than any good grade will.

He's a good chum.

I think I am going to eat some Fruit Loops right now. We got out of class a half hour early, so right now is the time I would normally be exiting that room. Wheee.

Alright. Peace.

Song of the Day: Take It In by Wye Oak