It's only a sandwich.

One of the first images to come up when I googled 'beautiful sandwich.' Not really words that tend to go together...

I am currently parked in the downstairs fancy food court thingy in Carlson School of Management along the never ending pony wall, eating a croissant and tomato florentine soup while continuously blowing my nose. Soup does that to a person. You get all cozy, hovered over your bowl with the steam licking your face and the warm noodles moseying down your throat, when suddenly, your nose decides to get in on the action and make the whole experience into a faucet fest. I'm sure you wanted to know all of this. I'll spare you the details.

Haha, just kidding. Snot everywhere.

Aight, I'll talk about other things.

I have been wrestling lately with a concept that I have not, until now, really found a word for: maintaining.

How to maintain things. How to maintain my life, friendship, wardrobe, daily routine, blah blah blah. I had a realization the other day that jobs whose primary goal is maintaining things (aka maintenance, obviously) are some of the most thankless things, but some of the most necessary. Writing this out now I see that that revelation sounded more enlightening in my head, but nonetheless, you notice when a place has been maintained, and tend to appreciate such places more. So why can I not apply this to my life? 

I realize more and more how maintaining oneself is a tireless and thankless task, but without it, one can just fall about and have nothing left to pick up the pieces with. I'm making it sound like I'm entirely fraying at the edges, which is not totally true, but I realize that if I don't kick my maintenance program into gear, that could become a quick reality.

I say this because I realize that I'm not going to have a huge break between undergrad and grad school, which, as I have said before, I am grateful that I am about to go to school again soon, but if my current mental state keeps up, I am going to be burnt out before May hits. Not good. How does one understand that senioritis is definitely a reality, and I'm going to give in every once in a while, but I don't need to let it consume me without my notice. Does that make sense? I'm getting distracted as I watch people search for tables.

Basically, I've become quite good at knowing when to cut corners with classes and stuff (I've only missed two classes thus far this whole semester, though, so don't think I've totally neglected my life) and when to let myself have time to recharge, and what things I can do to help myself recharge. I think that's a skill that I'll always be perfecting, but I'm glad I've finally sorta got a grasp on it. I wish the same for others I know, who don't know when to slow down and understand that things will not fall apart if they take a couple hours to just breathe. 

For instance, I'm probably going to skip class one more time this Thursday morning and go with the art collective I'm a part of to Glam Doll Donuts and the MIA. We did this about a month ago, and I have had no regrets. Spending quality quiet time with friends and art is so refreshing, and I felt something lift off my shoulders when I was done. The time I took for myself wasn't mindlessly wasted. 

That's the kicker. One can take time to zone out, browse the internets, blah blah blah, but still not feel as renewed as they hoped for. I am learning this lesson over and over, all the time. Screens are not relaxing. We do too many stressful things around screens these days for our brains to actually count screen time as a getaway. Not to mention, I'm sure my brain does not benefit from half of the things I choose to watch and look through. Cat videos will not get you far in life.

I think this is a strong step in understanding quality self-maintenance time. Time away from things you normally spend your life using, and putting it towards something else that makes you glad. And, if you're a people person like myself, inviting a few others to join in the recharge time never hurts. Keeping this time sacred and reasonably structureless is also key. Sitting around and being like "what should we do?" does not count. That is brain-stressing and tiring and boring. Have a plan. Meet at a donut shop and see what happens. 

I am half giving you advice, and half giving it to myself here, it seems. That boundary is kind of blurring right now.

As Rachel always laments, there will never be an end to your to-do list. There just won't. That's probably okay, because if you have nothing to do at all, that can be its own kind of hell. But constantly being stressed out about every detail isn't healthy either. 

What's probably best, if you're  busy person like myself, is to set aside time a few days ahead, so you not only have something to look forward to, but you are required to let your brain forget about the stresses of everyday life. It does not do to use that time to stress out over what is due next or whatever, unless, of course, you totally slacked off during the week and didn't manage things so well. But still. In the scope of things,  would it kill you to take a short walk and smell flowers and buy incense and read a local newspaper? Probably not.

I don't feel like a super wise person most of my life, though I hope to be a wise old lady someday with gorgeous silver hair and fabulous laugh lines. But I do pride myself in one moment where I felt I'd created a semi-wise piece of advice.

Back in my food service days (which ended only a couple years ago, really) I worked at Potbelly Sandwich Works. Let me tell you, I believe everyone should work a food service job at least once in their life, because it teaches you many truths about life and the universe.

Anyway, there was one girl whom I worked with frequently and got along well with who was in charge of delivery and catering orders. And I found her at the back counter one day, having a freak-out session about how things were going to work, or something, and I think maybe an order got mixed up, or whatever. Anyway, I came up to her, and asked her what was wrong, and she told me. And all I could think to say was, in the nicest and sincerest way possible was: "Brianna, it's only a sandwich. Just tell yourself it's only a sandwich." I remember seeing her eyes widen just a little bit as she let it soak in. "You're right," she said, visibly relaxing a little. "It is only a sandwich." She thanked me for my advice, and we went on to sort out the problem.

I now refer to things that I see myself freaking out about as "only a sandwich." It helps me calm down. I cannot entirely lay claim to that perspective. It was imparted to me years before via some SNL skit about Dunkin Donuts, where, amidst other weird things, the donut guy mentions how donuts are eventually pooped out and forgotten. So I began applying that logic to sandwiches, and it revolutionized my take on what I was doing, but in a surprisingly positive way. People were going to enjoy their sandwiches, but it wouldn't ruin their entire life if it was wrapped lumpily or  whatever. I'm not saying I started slacking, but it took the stress off of my mind that if I messed up it's be the end of the world.

Anyway, I'm rambling at this time. Just know, if you are stressing out about piddly things, remind yourself that it's only a sandwich.

There. I'm done for now. Time to relocate, as this joint is geting crowded and noisy and my soup and runny nose have become obsolete.

Cheers.

Songs of the Week:

Red Eyes (Mike Luck Remix) by Thomas Azier

Dismantle. Repair by Anberlin

Marijuana by Chrome Sparks

Calm Down by PSAPP