it's only half-finished]
Today was one of those days. One of those days where all the little things feel evident.
It was one of those days where I woke up feeling responsible for many things, but they slowly disappeared over times, for legit and not-so-legit reasons.
Like, how I woke up at 11, leapt out of bed, and dashed over to my desk to review the to-do list of the things I wrote down the night before. I need to go deposit checks in the bank and mail out stuff and go do...blahblahblah. All that garble filling my head, making me unsure of where to start and how much time I need to leave for things, and all that. Ever get those days? Swim Brain. That's probably what the condition is called. Because that's what it feels like.
Well, I pulled on a cozy hoodie and trundled downstairs to the kitchen, where I attempted to construct poached eggs for my breakfast/lunch. I'd seen them made by Mrs. Biros, and decided I'd give it a try.
Long story short--poached eggs take skills and wizardry to make.
Eventually, after one egg was completely and hopelessly destroyed by me just cracking it into the pan because I figured it magically kept itself together in hot water (not true), I utilized the great aid out our day, google, to help me in poaching my breakfast. It was quite silly, really, and I once again felt a little ashamed as I wondered to myself how people learned things before Google. That's such a selfish and condescending thing to wonder, I think. But give me a little grace, here. I am a child of the Technological Age. I'm clueless.
Anyways, eventually two poached-esque eggs were extracted from my doings, and I consumed them with pride. And a little malice, too, I must say, because of how one of my gracious family members insulted my cooking endeavors only minutes before I sat down. My mom then tells me not to worry about going to the bank today, since it's technically a holiday. I guess since New Year's Day came on a Sunday this year, no one felt that was fair enough, so they got Monday off. That's nice.
I consumed my culinary creation while sitting under a little gray cloud of grumpiness, and eventually made my way back to my dump of a bedroom, only to ignore the mess and continue reading the 3rd book in The Hunger Games trilogy.
I'm bad with books. Once I'm started on a good story, or worse, a good series, that's it. I'm incapacitated. Good for nothing. Dead to the world until I finish.
And that was me basically all day.
But not really.
Because even though it didn't look like I got anything done except read an entire book, I stopped multiple times and did something that I haven't made really any time for as of late.
Think.
Like, really think about things. Analyze things. Really sit back in the quiet and just voice my thoughts out loud. I thought about a lot of things today.
I thought about time, and how it slips away, sure, but how it can be harvested, so to speak.
I thought about how Harnar was right, and that I am like Samwise Gamgee sometimes.
I thought about how I was going to do laundry today, but whatever.
I thought about the books I was reading, and how exhausted the story was, even though it was fantastic.
I thought about people I love, and how I've probably lied to each one of them at least once. And how that is probably underestimating myself.
I thought about how I was going to try and convince myself into believing various things.
And then I thought about how something like faith doesn't need convincing, because it's beyond that.
I thought about how I'm only 21, and my hands are starting to feel less dexterous due to overuse of tedious movement. And i a
I philosophized over what it means to give up all your life and motives to the purpose you are here for. And I wondered what my purpose was.
I thought that my purpose was probably not to eat as many Ferrero Rochers as I did today.
I pulled out my Bible at one point, and randomly flipped to Mark 3:6, hoping for instant inspiration. but it turned out to be a verse about the Pharisees deciding to kill Jesus, and I decided that wasn't really what I was supposed to take away today. I poked about in the Psalms, instead.
I thought about how it was after two in the afternoon, and I was still in my pajama pants, and how much I hate it when I do that.
I thought about how I'm on one of the least self-motivated people I know, and how it's really baffling to know how to change that.
I thought about my irrational fear of faces appearing when I'm alone or something, as they do in the movies when the camera swings around and someone is suddenly there. It's obnoxious and unmerited, and I'm trying to reign in my stupid imagination. It's a fear I don't talk about much, because I feel a little crazy admitting it.
And I think about what I want to do with the beautiful leather journal I received for Christmas, because it's so pretty, and I can't use it for just anything. Or maybe I can.
Eventually, I go back to my book, and my dad comes in to ask if I want soup for lunch. I change into jeans and mosey down to the kitchen, retrieve my bowl of soup and some crackers, and go sit downstairs to watch How It's Made on Netflix. I learn about fire extinguishers, doughnuts, and frozen waffles, and then decide that I don't want to learn more right now.
My dad invites me to come to the dog park with him and Linus, and I pull myself out of my soup-filled introverted stupor and decide that it'll be nice to spend time with the both of them, and that fresh air will do me some good.
Introverted. Yes. This was an introverted day. I don't get those very often. Take note.
The snowy park is glowing in the late afternoon sun, and the minute I step out of the van, I am glad to be there. It greatly improves my mood, which actually wasn't bad at all. It was just kind of flat. We tromp about with the other owners and dogs for perhaps an hour, I don't know.
My favorite part was the location. We're up in the woods, away from any buildings or manmade structures besides the chain link fence and few picnic tables. The fresh snow still looks pretty, and since we are up on a hill, I can see the sun slowly sneak over the distant forested hills as it gets ready for an early bedtime. The light shoots straight through the trees, all golden and rosy, and I watch as the dogs play, their coats rippling with movement, and the clouds of their breath turned into gold by the low sun behind them. Perhaps I am bias, but Linus looks extra stunning, there in the snowy woods, where a wolfish thing like him seems to belong. This is my smiliest part of the day.
After the park, we head home, and Dad and I indulge in big mugs of hot chocolate and a rousing game of Battleship. Well, it was't really that exciting, but it was quite fun. And Mastermind. We played that, too. There is nothing like playing games inside on a cold winter day.
Eventually, I retreat back to my room again, read some more, organize my iTunes, think about cleaning, and eventually just give up and go to visit Noopo, who has just come back from shopping with my mom. I am shortly enlisted by my mother to be in charge making good southern-style hash browns to go with our steak dinner. I must say, I can make some pretty decent hash browns.
I move about the warm kitchen with my mom, cutting up potatoes and white cheddar cheese. Linus is laying in his favorite corner, and I deftly throw him a small hunk of some hard German cheese I can't pronounce, but I particularly like. He doesn't get a lot of people food, so this is very exciting.
Dinner is delicious--steak, stir-friend vegetables, my potatoes with their white cheddar and dill, and champagne salad, which is one of my favorite foods in the world. I can't even describe it to you.
[And this is where I left off. I don't think much else even happened. More reading, an upset stomach from the eggs I made, I think, etc. And I finished those books. Than had to come down from Good-Series-high. Ah, well. Tralala]
Songs of the Week:
Still Alive by Mt. Eden (my Hunger Games theme song, fyi)
City Lights by Motionless in White (tanks, Whoosh)
Let Go by Mt. Eden
My Understandings by Of Mice and Men
Prodigy: Omen by Mt Eden
When You Can't Sleep At Night by Of Mice and Men
Silence by Sarah McLachlan (Remix)by Mt. Eden.
Good For Me by ABOVE and BEYOND
Can't Sleep (ATB Remix) by ABOVE and BEYOND
Hide and Seek Remix by Mt. Eden (So much Mt. Eden!)
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