Bus Etiquette.

I was thinking today about how comfortable I am now with riding public transportation. Sure, every time you get a on a new bus to go to a new place, it's still rather intimidating, and every bus trip offers its own challenges and observations. But in general, there are some basic occurrences that one can expect with either your regular bus ride, or a new route you're exploring.

Here are some observations I have made after taking many a ride this year. I am amazed at how many people I see over and over again who can't seem to get the idea that you're in a small space, and how that effects people around you.

So here are what I think are some of the basics of Bus Etiquette.

There are a couple different levels and categories in Bus Etiquette:

I. The Most Essential Basics Even a First-Timer Should Be Able to Figure Out:

1. The Whereabouts of Your Body Parts:

This is not your bus. You do not own it. You are not driving it. This is not a family reunion. So if your feet are in the aisle, you are going to be that guy that all the new arrivals on the bus think is a jerk. If you are getting your person up in someone's grill, and it's not crowded on the bus, well, you are also going to be that guy who has no sense of space, and will creep people out and downright annoy them. Stay in your designated area. I hope you have a decent perception of how big or small you are.

2. The Whereabouts of Your Belongings:

Unless you are EXCEEDINGLY burdened with something obnoxiously huge like lumber or groceries or something, or the bus is really empty, you should probably not take up multiple seats with your stuff. If the bus is rather empty, and everyone seems to have a lot of empty space around them, sure, put your backpack on the seat next to you. But if it's really crowded, or people are standing int he aisle, take that sack off that seat and let somebody rest their legs. Your lap should be sufficient for your everyday stuff. Or the floor between your feet. It's not rocket science. It's courtesy.

3. Shut Up:

Buses are like huge hollow caterpillars, but if you really think about how small that space actually is, and how close of proximity you are in in comparison with others, well, your should probably monitor your voice level. Nobody wants to sit next to/near someone who is BLAH BLAH BLAH-ING on the phone at maximum volume about their cat's ulcer, so-and-so's love life, or how awful your homework is, and how you wish your professor would retire in the middle of the semester. Remember how you were beaten to death with the term"inside voices" in preschool? Yes. This is what they were preparing you for. Buses.

This is not to say you should not speak on buses. But understand that, even though the bus looks like it's divided up into nice little sections, and that people appear to be far away from you, if you removed all the seats and poles, you'd really see how short a distance it is between you and them. So, be respectful. Have nice chats, but keep it low.

II. Once You've Ridden The Bus Once And Gotten Over Your Initial Fears, Remember....

4. Bus Drivers Are People, Too:

I would think, after a long day of driving around and around the same loop all day, dealing with obnoxious pedestrians and traffic jams, that a bus driver would start to feel like a bit of a machine. Well, let them know that their passengers are human, too, and say hallo when you get on. It might be just a little greeting, but if said with gumption and a kind amount of enthusiasm, you may go from being another empty-headed rider in their minds, to a nice person who acknowledges their work. It's like saying hello to a custodian. Try it. It scares the crap out of them.

Also, make sure to thank them for the ride. They may drive a machine, but they aren't machines. Give 'em some appreciation. And hey, if you have to stand in the front of a bus sometime, have a little chat, if they don't look too concentrated. Be the one who brightens their day.

5. Observing Without Being a Jerk:

This is a skill that takes a lil' trial and error. How to observe that interesting looking person across from you without staring is not an easy task. The bus is sometimes a sort of forgiving place as far as observation, because there aren't too many places for your eyes to go but around the bus and out the window (which sometimes includes looking past someone). So, as long as your stare is not TOO intent, or you can easily shift your eyes when they look your way, you might be able to get some good observing in.Definitely do not stare at someone who is talking, though. You were not invited to that conversation. That's what ears are for.

6. Being a DJ:

Remember, the reason headphones were invented was not so everyone could hear the song you just chose. They're a very personal item, which seems to be forgotten by a lot of people. I can't tell you how many people have those terrible Apple headphones, and crank the volume so that I can hear their fuzzy treble noises all the way on the other end of the bus. I did not come here to hear you hearing what you chose to hear. What if I don't like it? Surprise. The world does not revolve around your music enjoyment. You're going to be that guy again that everybody around you wishes would get off at the next stop. If you wish to further the disdain people have for you, try singing along.

*Tip for heavy-duty observing: Wear headphones without actually listening to music. This way, if you are looking at someone and they catch you, just start bobbing you head to your imaginary beat, and it'll most likely appear that you just are blankly staring in their direction, and not really at them. This is also a great idea if you wish to eavesdrop, but not appear that you're eavesdropping. Both these things take a little skill, but they're easier to master than sans-headphone observation.

7. Speaks with Strangers:

It's best to only speak to strangers on a bus if you:

a. have something legit to say about the surroundings or something

b. need to get off and they're in the way (be nice about this, please)

c. have a nice, brief, and tasteful compliment about something they're wearing

d. you are about to get off, so there won't be any awkward silence hanging over your heads

This is a very touchy subject, and awkwardness can tend to abound. I'll let you make your own judgements on this one, because it's rather circumstantial.

8. Anticipating Change:

If the bus is crowded and you're in the aisle, and more people are getting on, please move back. I cannot tell you how much everyone thinks the guy wearing headphones standing in the aisle is a jerk, when everyone behind him has moved back, and he's just in his own world. No one cares if you're in the middle of a cool song, move your person.

Also, if you're sitting the front of the bus, always check, especially at major stops, if a person in a wheelchair is getting on. If so, get up and move in a timely fashion. That ain't your seat anymore. And give up your seat for old people. They'll get all gushy and cute at you, and you will earn brownie points for our generation.

And if you know you're stop is one of those little ones where few other people get off, and it's a crowded day, try your best to sit near a door. It's no fun for you, or anyone else, to have to squish around while you take 5 minutes exiting the bus.

I'm sure there are many other little things you could say about how a bus ride could be experienced in an efficient way, but these are some of the basic rules that I can think of. And believe me, some people just do not get it. Being spatially aware is something I can sometimes pride myself in, but everybody can do it. Just realize you're not the only one riding this thing, and everyone's happy.

The End.

P.S. I forgot to add---please never eat a banana on the bus. The smell does not leave easily, and it's just obnoxious.